22.

Someone said “If you’ve never been lonely, you’d never realize what it’s like.” Until the last few weeks, I’ve never truly understood the significance of that statement. Ironically, I understand loneliness now that I’m not in that frame of mind anymore.

The last couple of years had just been about money, and paying off bills and partially successful attempts at clearing inherited debts. Weekly interactions with my close ones would always wind up to the fact that my newly independent life is just going to be riddled with more problems – problems that were not even my own. Problems that could have been solved in a previous lifetime, had they just been smart. The constant tug-of-war to do what’s right versus to do what I need for myself.

I was so worried about these things, that I forgot to experience life. I would just…just live. Do you know what it feels like, to actually know the difference? I wish that my experiences would have shown me that there is no difference. Alas, it couldn’t be.

All it took was a five-minute exchange of texts that lead to a setting in which I was more comfortable. Where I realized that it was still so easy for me to be back in my dark space, while fooling myself into thinking that I am okay. That there are people out there who, despite your (quasi)imagined quirks and weirdness, would still end the night with, “Hey, we should do this more often.” The happiness of being on the receiving end of that statement, the epiphany, inspired this post.

So woman, this is my way of saying Thank You. All you had to do was just be yourself to show me what I’m missing out on. That life isn’t like Instagram posts and Facebook updates, but so much more.

We all deal with our shit CB, but we’re stronger and we’ve got each other to sound off on. Just remember that when your day is about “same shit different toilet”.